


Drinking Habits

by NaeSpark



Series: Passive Aggressive Struggles Between Love And Alcohol [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-25
Updated: 2012-06-25
Packaged: 2017-11-08 13:38:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaeSpark/pseuds/NaeSpark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxy dares Rose to a drink, assuming her as a lightweight.<br/>But then feelings happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drinking Habits

**Author's Note:**

> naesnark.tumblr.com

  It was outrageous.

  “What you just suggested is so ridiculous that it could only come from someone as constantly inebriated as yourself.” I did not even pause my knitting to answer, simply masking any sort of surprise that could have come upon me. “Regarding my last statement, considering you are obviously still drunk, what would be the point of this little game of yours?” I raised an eyebrow, not allowing the other to reply. “Exactly, none whatsoever.”

  Roxy blinked twice, gazing at me with a growing smirk. “You’re a total lightweight, aren’t you?”

  I paused, holding a needle between my teeth.

  “Pardon?”

  “You can’t stand the booze.” Roxy grinned mischievously, quite confident of herself. “You can only take it in small doses until _you pass out_.”

  Rather than feeling offended, I simply turned my gaze back to my knitting and chuckled lightly. I was absolutely unimpressed at my silly companion’s idea, knowing from my doomed memories that I could, in fact, _take the booze_. Not bothering to answer, I shook my head lightly.

  Roxy’s tone became slightly more curious. “Rosie, are you trying to tell me something?” She sat beside me in the sofa. I raised my eyebrows, wondering where that would lead.

  “Roxy, no.”

  “Prove it to me.”

  Her eyes were filled with a plea I wished not to describe in my mind, where I would promptly get lost. I sighed inwards, wishing not to enter in these matters. It was already painful enough to have every single inch of myself so attracted to someone that I would easily vomit my soul onto if I were not paying attention to my own actions. I did not, in any way, need to become overly loose with her.

  “Are you simply going to insist until I give in?” I rested my soon-to-be scarf on my lap, cautious. Her eyes lit and the left corner of her mouth lifted. She nodded repeatedly.

“Don’t be afraid, Rosie. I wouldn’t take advantage of you, I promise.” She cackled, not even noticing the sudden lump in my throat.

  Oh no, she had _not_ just said that. That was not helping my cause. Of course, she had to be either completely oblivious to my state or simply _too_ aware and actually _taking advantage_ of it. What a subtle way of breaking your promises, Roxy.

  “I wouldn’t be concerned about that.” I replied, calmly. “Now, what drink do you have in mind?”

  She pulled a rectangular bottle from behind her back. The liquid had no colour, like water, but it gave off a scent of alcohol. Roxy grinned more.

  “Vodka?” I stopped my mouth before it hung open. “If you wish to kill me, you might as well reach for the medical kit concealed in our bathroom and inject ethanol right into my veins.” I hissed. “I would be easier, darling.”

  “You can be _such_ a turn-off, Rosie.” She rolled her eyes. “Do you even have the guts to start or will you keep bullshitting me just to stall?” She shook the bottle in front of my eyes.

  I took it from her hand, eying her.

  It was such an outrageous idea. It would go _so very wrong_. I sat up straight, ignoring the shiver that made its way through my spine. Oh, fuck it.

  “Cheers.”

  The first drops burned my tongue and throat, making me twitch my eyebrows. Good heavens, that tasted even worse than I remembered. Acquired taste, I told myself.

  I removed the bottle from my mouth, glaring at a very amused Roxy. She crossed her arms and nodded approvingly.

  “You sure were thirsty.” She grinned.

  “Your turn.” I shoved the bottle into her face.

  She grabbed it with gracious movement and sipped on it, before drinking a whole lot.

  After quite a few repetitions of this, I was feeling lighter. The feeling was what one could call familiar, even though I, myself, had never experienced it. We were both on the floor, across each other. Roxy sat up straighter than usual, undoubtedly trying to seem at her perfect lady-like best. I found it amusing.

  “You are doing quite the crappy impersonation of a sober individual.” I cackled.

  “So, funny, Rosie. You’re doing a fucking great one too.” She replied, eyes glittering. “I’m so impressed, where did my shit go?”

  “Oh, don’t say that. Sarcasm is my native language, not yours.”

  “Fine, whatever.” She crossed her arms once more, looking thoughtful.

  “What? What are you thinking about?” I was genuinely curious. She seemed as if she was going to ask something and I was quite concerned about it. I was feeling myself losing grasp and it was not a pleasant feeling.

  There was a small pause before she looked up to face me.

  “What’s it like to go to school?”

  I froze. Ah, correct, she had never been to school. In fact, she had not had contact with another human being until recently.

  I was too honest in my reply. “It is as interesting as entering a large building filled with uninteresting people who will do nothing but speak of things you would hardly understand.” I took hold of the bottle, once more. “I would just sit in my corner and glare carelessly at them.” I took a sip. “I could hear them whispering behind my back.”

  I finished my drink to notice Roxy was staring at me. “That sounds incredibly lonely.”

  I froze in place again, ignoring the burning feeling under my eyelashes and fluttering them in a vain attempt to dismiss it. “And the classes were as tedious as you can imagine. We had Literature. However, they would not let us read the actual interesting books. Ah yes, we read the classics, but they were hardly of any use. Not like the books of the occult are.” I bit my lower lip. “And, furthermore, the teachers chose to ignore me. Which was welcomed, considering I would much rather ignore them as well.” I put the bottle down. “All things considered, it was just like being in a location where you didn’t belong and where you wished not to be.”

  Roxy took the bottle to herself. “Wow, I mean... that sounds really shitty.” She took a sip. “I never had anyone, but being rejected is hell fucking worse.”

  I clenched my teeth, feeling the familiar pressure in my chest. Yes, that was exactly it. Rejection. Not being appreciated. Not being seen for who you are. I gripped my skirt strongly, keeping my composure as much as I could

  “I mean, fuck” She resumed. “I’ve always been alone. I’m glad I had my friends to be with me, but even those seemed to go away somewhere else and I couldn’t keep them. Janey and Dirk were all over Jake and Jake was just... meh.” She shrugged. “And then Janey’s dad was a total hottie, but it’s not like he’d ever look?” She sat closer to me and I contained the impulse to back away. “I fucking love everyone so much that I’m terrified they’ll just fly away and not give a flying fuck about me.” She laughed sadly “That was a lame pun. I don’t know, I just don’t want you to leave.”

  I shut my eyes, shoving away the urge to wrap my arms around her and tell her I wouldn’t leave. But what use would that have? She would be the one to leave me. I exhaled, trying, in vain, to clear my head.

  “It’s like our lives are one big NOPE happening all the time.” Her words were slurring now. “I mean, my mom died before I was even born, and I fucking miss her. I never even met her, but she’s all around me.” She breathed in. “Not you, I mean. Fuck, you and her aren’t the same person. I mean, you are, but you aren’t. At least, I have _that_ figured out. Shit, you don’t see me as your mom, do you?”

  I was unable to respond. Words were cluttering my throat and were stuck in my neck, and I had no way of getting them out. I did not see her as my mother. This reckless charming girl, even being the same person, was not my mother.

  “No.” I managed.

  “I bet you miss your mom.” She added.

  How could I ever tell her? How could I even begin to explain the things I barely explained myself and decided to simply dismiss? I remained quiet and collected the whole time, as I went through the painful feeling of losing part of myself, recalling the moment I found my mother laying bloody at my feet. I felt my eyes burning again, trying to ignore it until I saw Roxy staring at me and using her fingers to clean the wetness from my face.

  Fuck it, just fuck it. I was so ungrateful, so caught up in my own passive aggressive struggles that I didn’t even appreciate the person in front of me. Watching Roxy made me realise my mother was nothing as I had pictured her. And I missed her.

  But that wasn’t even the question, at that moment. It was not about losing my mother, it was about losing Roxy.

  I had been an idiot. I had got too close. And I would fuck everything up again. I could not stand the thought of this girl shaking her head and turning away from me.

  It was in those moments in which my semblance didn’t go beyond normal, except for the tears falling freely from my eyes, that I accepted it.

  I needed her. Not my mother, but Roxy.

  I grabbed the bottle again, but she stopped me. “Rosie, you had enough.”

  “Do you really have the smallest right to say something like that to me? It seems your self-control leaves much to be desired.” I spat.

  “You act like a fucking iceberg the whole time, but I know you’re dying inside. Be honest with me, Rose. You haven’t changed your face for the last ten minutes, but you were crying like a baby the whole time.”

  She took the bottle away and I had no strength left to stop her. It was then that I noticed the tears that covered her own face. My stomach curled painfully.

  Roxy had been alone. She didn’t know what it felt like to have a mother, or someone to touch, for that matter. I wiped her face clean of tears, as gently as I could.

  Only the effect of alcohol would ever make me lean forward and place my lips in hers, slowly and gently as first, burning quickly with her positive response.

  I broke the kiss moments later. “Very well.” I broke. “I had the brilliant idea of falling in love with you. I am an idiot and you might as well leave while I’m still prepared for it, regardless of the fact that I would never be prepared for something like that, would I?” I pulled her to another short fierce kiss. When I was about to pull back, she brought herself closer, crushing my lips with hers. Her breath still tasted of vodka, yet her kissing motions were deliberate and adjusted to mine. She trapped my lower lip between hers, suckling it before letting go and panting into my mouth.

  I muffled a surprised gasp, but she only seized the opportunity to fall on top of me and hold my face between her hands.

  My eyes shot open and I backed away, in disbelief. I lead my fingertips to my lips, still feeling the pressure of hers there, even though she sat in front me, with a baffled expression.

  “Oh my god, Rosie, don’t you even dare bullshitting me for doing that.” She blushed fiercely. “You kissed me first!"

  I kept quiet, recovering my normal expression.

  What in the name of the Greater Gods had just happened? That had not been on the list of ‘what ifs’ that I had carefully thought up. If it were there, it would be hidden at the very bottom, where I would not dare to cling onto it.

  “We’re drunk. We kissed. Don’t make that fucking face.” She leaned her back against the couch. “I love you too, okay? Jesus fuck...”

  She... did?

  I did not move, so she crawled in my direction instead. “You love me.” I muttered.

  “Yeah, it’s not that hard a thing to do, you know?”

  I was ready to disagree, but her new tears didn’t leave me with the time or courage to. I took hold of her and stroke her back, at loss regarding how to act. Before I realised I was using my thumb and index to raise her chin and kissed her once more, taking my time to feel it.

  I was barely able to think, intoxicated with ethanol and Roxy. I was unsure of which had a greater part in my behaviour.

  Our breaths were saturated with alcohol, mingling comfortably with each other, in warmth and moisture. I could have sworn her lips were sweet, even though that thought would be utterly ridiculous. She wrapped her arms around my neck as I rested my hands on her hipbones.

  She pulled back, trailing my neck with kisses as I arched backwards, panting. She held my head in place, brushing her tongue on my skin and suckling at my throat.

  “Rosie...” Her eyes softened until her pink irises melted into my violet ones, bringing her lips close to mine again.

  Was it truly happening? Could that possibly be happening? No, it had to be a dream. My thoughts were cut off by jolts that I couldn't possibly shrug off, keeping me from stopping Roxy's motions.

  Roxy’s hands were cautious and caring, touching every inch of my skin as if I would break, stroking me into complete relaxation, before trailing my whole body with kisses. I gasped when she reached her destination, shutting my eyes as her tongue made circles around my flesh and her teeth nibbled me carefully. I shivered and twitched, panting and moaning as she teased and flickered against me, causing me to grip the carpet underneath me.

  The skies are hollow and the world is round, I had read once, but as overwhelming a thought that might have been to the characters, it could do nothing against the wave of pleasure that went from the tips of my toes and through my whole body, settling in a muffled scream and my back arching backwards.

  Roxy was gentle after my climax, cleaning the remnants of it carefully not to stimulate me painfully. She crawled upwards to lay her head in my chest and I caressed her side tiredly, closing my eyes.

  I caressed her back gently, unsure of my feelings at that point. I loved her so much that it was painful to even think about losing her presence and her comfort. She understood me and was more than willing to stand beside me, it seemed.

  It was patent in her touch, in her kiss, and in her demeanor. In the course of the minutes that whole experience had lasted, she displayed her love so completely that I was baffled at the thought that something like that was even remotely possible.

  Words. Thoughts. Gestures. Love was captured in every single thing she did.

  I sensed her falling asleep and brushed my lips in the top of her head. The day after would either be a complete mess or the beginning of something blissfully true.

  Regardless of the future, at that moment, I was happy.


End file.
